October 22, 2008

Making my way through...

I've been a bit absent from my blog lately because I have been going through a lot of changes recently in my personal life and with my art. It was a year ago that I lost my Grandparents, one quite quickly after another. It was a very painful experience that left me feeling emotionally absent from life and from my family for a while. I didn't really know how to deal with the loss since I hadn't experienced it before.

It was this great loss that led me into mixed media painting a dream I have held in my heart for many years but never had the courage to pursue. I knew I had to dive in and December last year I created my first mixed media painting on canvas. To say I was excited was an understatement. After all that pain some joy was returning.

It's been a really rocky road since then, with my confidence waning now and then and pushing through it to develop my style. All the while my family and I have been dealing with my Grandparents estate, which has been a lengthy drawn out experience to which we are nearing the end.

The whole experience has left me weary but somehow I have found the strength to create and I am happy to say I am working on a large body of new work which I will be adding to my Etsy shop in the next week. If you want to be notified when I release the new works please sign up to my email list (top right) and I will email you.

I wanted to share all this with you because I feel like I have held back alot since starting this blog, only posting paintings here and there and not really sharing anything of myself. As I enter a new phase in my life I am starting to get used to sharing a little more about me and it isn't so scary after all :) I also wanted to reach out to you and say it's ok to feel scared, it's ok to have days when we don't feel confident, don't feel like you have to be perfect, because none of us are!

I hope you enjoy the photo above I took this morning of my very messy desk and I am really looking forward to sharing my new art with you very soon.



miz katie said...

aw! i have noticed a certain sadness within you, but i didn't know what it was about. i'm so sorry for your loss, niki.

it's been nine years since my grandmother passed on, and i can say it gets a little easier as time goes by. somehow, the grief turned to happiness for me. i now celebrate her life, and i'm no longer focused on her death. it took time to reach that point, though.

i still cry when i think about her, sometimes. i miss her like crazy. i would give anything to walk into her house and have her greet me. that never goes away. but, the focus does change, and you'll start to find yourself thinking happier thoughts, and the memories will be cherished, and not so painful.

i'm happy to see you back blogging. i have been following you for many months..way before chatting with you in Suzi's class. so, yay! niki is back!! :)

Pam Warden Art said...

I am a firm believer in Art Therapy. It surfaces when you are not trying, but when you are just creating in any medium. Thank you for sharing your heart. The Lord is good, I know it's hard to lose your grandparents. What I'd give for one more hug...
Please go to my other blot at http://faithfolk.blogspot.com and click on the song Give Me Jesus by Fernando Ortega. I think you will love it-

Di said...

Niki, thank you for sharing that... I've always thought to myself that you were "holding" back. I understand. I too kick started my dream out of personal trauma. I'm so happy for you that you're working through this and fulfilling your dream! I'm excited about it all and looking forward to getting to know you more, maybe one day meeting up since we're both in the UK. And definitely looking forward to seeing more of your work. *hugs*